Build Stronger Alliances by Asking, Not Giving
Here’s a counterintuitive truth about influence: one of the most effective ways to build an alliance isn’t by offering favours, but by asking for one.
I know, I know. It sounds like advice from that one friend who somehow keeps getting promoted for seemingly no reason. We’re all taught that influence flows from giving value – offering help, buying rounds, volunteering for everyone else’s pet projects. But one of history’s craftiest politicians figured out the opposite approach works even better.
The Franklin Effect
Benjamin Franklin faced a political rival who actively disliked him. Think “refuses to make eye contact in the elevator” level of disdain. Instead of kissing up or offering bribes, Franklin pulled a move that was pure genius: he asked the guy to lend him a rare book from his personal collection. Not a Kindle recommendation. An actual, “please trust me with your prized possession” request.
The man was flattered. He sent the book immediately. Franklin returned it a week later with a thank-you note.
The next time they met, the former enemy walked up to Franklin and started chatting like they were old friends. They remained close until the guy died.
The Psychology of Investment: Why This Works
Here’s the psychology: your brain hates contradictions more than it hates Monday morning all-hands meetings. When your actions don’t match your attitudes, it creates mental friction that needs resolving.
Think about it:
- Attitude: “I don’t like this Franklin guy. He’s probably the type who replies-all to company-wide emails.”
- Action: “I just did him a personal favour.”
Your brain can’t handle this inconsistency so it rewrites the story: “Why would I help someone I dislike? I must actually think he’s alright.”
Just like that, your brain rewrites the narrative to resolve the conflict. You basically reverse-engineer respect by forcing your own brain to justify an act of generosity.
Putting the Franklin Effect to Work: 3 Scenarios
Here’s the psychology: your brain hates contradictions more than it hates Monday morning all-hands meetings. When your actions don’t match your attitudes, it creates mental friction that needs resolving.
1. Turn Sales Pitches Into Consultations (How to Make Prospects Feel Indispensable)
Stop leading with “Let me show you our amazing product that’ll probably get you promoted.” Instead, try: “I’ve been studying the new compliance headaches in your industry, and I know you’re the expert here. Could I get your take on whether we’re reading this trend correctly?”
You’re asking for their expertise, not pushing your agenda. They invest 10 minutes of brain power, and suddenly they’re mentally invested in your success.
2. Transform Customers Into Co-Conspirators (The VIP Treatment They Actually Want)
Don’t just send your best customers another discount with a subject line like “We Miss You!” (Translation: “Our numbers are down and we’re desperate.”). Ask them for something: beta-test a feature, vote between logo options, or send a photo of your product in action.
They’re not just buying from you anymore – they’re helping build your company. This elevates them from customer to stakeholder, granting them psychological equity without complicating your cap table.
3. Get Internal Buy-In Without Begging (Advanced Office Politics)
Need support from that senior colleague who barely acknowledges you exist? Skip the “here’s what I can do for you” pitch.
Try: “I’m finalising my exec presentation, and your Q3 analysis was spot-on. Would you mind doing a quick logic check on my summary slide?”
Now they’re invested in your win. They helped create it, so they want it to succeed.
Your Monthly Challenge
Pick one relationship you want to strengthen – a prospect, key client, or internal stakeholder. Preferably not your boss’s boss, because let’s be realistic about your current influence level.
Craft a small, genuine request that acknowledges their expertise. Maybe ask for their opinion on an industry trend, a resource recommendation, or a quick sanity check on an idea.
Make the ask, then watch what happens in your next interaction. You’ll probably notice they’re suddenly more engaged, more collaborative.
The goal isn’t free consulting – it’s opening a psychological door. When someone invests in you, even just10 minutes of their time and attention, their brain starts rooting for your success.
Try it. Your influence depends on it – and they’ll thank you for reasons they can’t quite articulate.
More Resources:
Adam Grant’s book, Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, provides an in depth framework for the Franklin Effect, exploring the dynamics of “givers,” “takers,” and “matchers” in the workplace.
For the original academic study that tested Franklin’s ideas by Jon Jecker and David Landy, check out Liking a Person as a Function of Doing Him a Favour.
Finally, for a deeper dive into Franklin’s life, including fascinating anecdotes on human behaviour, pick up The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin.
